Marathon: the courtroom plea

IT HAS been 32 years since my name change. I was once named Marathon but I am now named Snickers. Opal Fruits, a close friend of mine, also went through an unnecessary name change and has been plagued with an inferiority complex ever since. I find myself in the same boat as Opal Fruits. I am bringing this matter to you, my honourable judge, so you can hear and sympathise with the frustration and confusion I have endured over the past 32 years.

Firstly, everyone knew me as Marathon. I did not have any form of identity crisis when my name was Marathon. I was a successful bar of chocolate containing peanuts, caramel, nougat and chocolate. I made regular appearances on television commercials… honourable judge, you may recall seeing me during the 1970s and 1980s? I was associated with straplines like “comes up peanuts, slice after slice” and “Marathon really satisfies.” The public loved me and most importantly, I knew what I stood for – my identity was as solid as a concrete slab.

Senior management told me I needed to be aligned with the rest of Europe. I was totally dumbfounded when they told me my name would be changed to Snickers. I searched the dictionary to find out the meaning of snickers: the definition is to make a gentle high-pitched neigh in reference to a horse or an act or sound of snickering, whereas marathon is defined as a long-distance running race, strictly one of 26 miles 385 yards, or a long and difficult task. Honourable Judge, as you can see, I am not a horse! In connection with the word marathon, I am packed with energy and nutrients to enable the consumer to push through a marathon and complete long and difficult tasks. My current name, Snickers, has also been associated with ladies underwear… knickers!

I bring my case to you with the hope that you understand the pain and frustration I have endured for many years. In the words of pop artist Taylor Swift, I believe it’s time to shake it off; Snickers needs to go, and Marathon needs to come back!

I know my time remaining to plead my case is limited, but, honourable Judge, I would be grateful if you can review the final pieces of evidence below: footage of television commercials during the 1970s and 1980s when my name was Marathon. The last television commercial below, was recorded when I was forced to reveal my new identity in 1990; you can clearly see all the confusion it caused. I await with anxious anticipation for your final decision.

4 thoughts on “Marathon: the courtroom plea”

  1. Snickers are what we heard when we were told Marathon was changing it’s name to this marketing joke . What a laugh, didn’t get it then and never will. Still tastes good though.

    1. Marathon was changed to Snickers to be aligned with the naming that was used throughout the rest of the world. I must agree with you, Starburst sounds much more infantile than Opal Fruits 😀. Thanks for commenting 🙂

      1. You’re welcome 🙂 I think Opal Fruits sounds exotic, opal being a jewel… Starburst sounds like it is aimed at small children.

Leave a Reply to Alan Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.