You tell yourself you don’t want it but you do. That’s it … never again you tell yourself but you give up the fight as you are silently seduced knowing you’ll have serious regrets when you regain your senses. The silent seductress looks perfect, smells divine and you’ll have the slightly embarrassed look of Oliver Twist whist pleading for more.

Not to worry … It’s bedtime and once asleep the silent seductress has no chance … Wrong! … You’re more likely to be seduced when your guards down and you’re sprawled ungraciously across your memory foam mattress. You give in, jump to your feet and sneak downstairs in search of the seductive one. You arrive at your destination of naughtiness, throw open the fridge door and grab the one you’ve been drawn to. You waste no time hurling a glassful of the wicked one down your neck … Arrrrhh that’s better. There’s a feeling of excitement as the wicked one reaches all your body parts as you break out into an uncontrollable, unfashionable dance. You’re elated and within seconds you’re on the brink of Climax … Climax is followed by intense relief and giddiness. Hold on … someone’s been clocking you! Your sneaky tactics were unsuccessful as you stare at the unimpressed face of the one whose clocked you. Still recovering from your climax you giddily confess that R Whites Lemonade is responsible for your addiction!


How could this innocent bottle of lemonade cause sleepless nights, ridiculous dance moves and complete giddiness?

Maybe Colonel Sanders is behind this … the same chap who’s behind the secret recipe for KFC. Perhaps Colonel was sneakily collared by the marketeer responsible for the R Whites brand and asked to add a secret ingredient to the recipe to spice it up. As you can tell, I’m clutching at feathers.

R Whites has got me snookered. I don’t know how they do it but that’s their secret (which has been well kept over the years).


As for me I think I will avoid keeping R Whites in my fridge for now. It’s not that I’m not partial to a drop of R Whites, but I need to keep a lid on things. My life is chaotic enough at the moment and 24 hours is never enough. If I were to leave a bottle of R Whites chilling in the fridge, I would end up 6 feet under in record time … cause of death … Insomnia!


To conclude I would just to say to all the fans of R Whites to keep on enjoying … keep knocking back this old school legend. You’re addicted and you don’t even deny the fact that you’re hooked. You like it … you love it! You can’t wait to repeat the Climax-Giddy process. You have no shame, no regrets and no morals! R Whites has got an unbreakable grip on you and you’ve given up fighting … you just go with the flow.

There’s an R Whites rehab centre locally to help you kick the habit … sadly it’s been a total waste of funding … the centre is a desolate shell with no attendees.

I shall sign off with a chuckle whist thinking about your sneaking around in the night, your seductress drawing you in and your unashamed mannerism!

Shameless addiction (click to follow)