The school cuss: Your Mum is …

KIDS can push us to breaking point. Somehow, they do know what to say to get a reaction. Think back to the verbal assaults that were common at primary school – Four-eyes, stinky pants, bucket head, Miss Piggy – all hurtful, but eventually, these verbal assaults would escalate to a new, rather rude and disrespecting level.

The particular type of verbal assault I’m thinking of, and referring to, does not necessarily come in the form of using the f, c, or b words (but it could well contain these words) – this particular category of verbal assault is known to cause even more emotional pain for the receiver.

So, at this point, I’m heading back to September 1981 – a time when I had just begun secondary school. It was an all-boys school in northwest London. I would hear the same disrespectful verbal assault, curses (or cuss) in the playground, in the corridors, at the back of classrooms, throughout the school in fact. The curse or cuss, verbal assault, began with the words Your Mum.

“Your mum is this, your mum is that, your mum went to … I saw your mum doing … your mum is a … your mum’s face is … you mum’s shaped like a …” Creativity was at a high standard when it came to a cuss. The thing is, with the Your Mum cuss, it would almost always provoke an angry reaction. The Your Mum cuss was the ultimate way to verbally batter another pupil. Make no mistake, this category of cuss cut like a cleaver to meat. So what type of of reaction would you expect when the Your Mum cuss is unleashed?

reaction #1: like lighting a match on petrol, a fight would instantly break out between the two boys.

reaction #2: a battle of the Your Mum’s cuss would break out. Each pupil taking it turn to fire-off a verbal assault at each other. In this situation, a gathering of boys quickly formed and they gauged which cuss was the most damaging with chants of ‘What a cuss!’ …’Ohhhh my gosh!’ … ‘Are you gonna take that?’ Of course, there would be crazy laughs coming from the gathering. The end result could either be 1) a fight would break out between the two boys or 2) the loser of the mum cuss would walk-off in shame.

The Your Mum cuss was potent. It was vicious, dirty, below-the-belt, rude, and utterly disrespectful. The Your Mum cuss: verbal brutality that provoked anger and rage.

Six Your Mum cusses from the 1980s:

Your mum plays Space Invaders so she can get the extra man!

Your mum’s potted more balls than Steve Davis

I went to Kentucky Fried Chicken and asked for 6 legs, 4 breasts and some thick thighs – they chucked your mum on the counter and said “Here’s your order”

Your mum brought her clothes to the dry cleaners. The man at behind the counter said “Sorry, we don’t clean curtains”

Your mum’s face is so rough, it reminds me of a BMX track

Your mum looks just like your dad – she’s got a beard and hairs sticking-out her nose

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