LOVE me or hate me, I am what I am. I’m short and chubby. I’m dark but not handsome. I am what I am. I’m real not fake – what you see is what you get. I’m not sweet – no mention of ‘butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth’ rubbish when I’m the subject matter.
Out & About
At a social gathering you’ll find me leaning against the bar, clocking others whilst in my own world. A few minglers may come over have a chat with me and then swiftly disappear with a look of ‘Never again!’ on their screwed up faces. Others may come over and spend the whole evening admiring me, taking in every word that flows from the depths of my chubby tummy. They like me. They adore me. They don’t want to leave me – even when they dash-off for a call of nature they quickly come back wanting more. They are addicted.
Lovers & Haters
I have many lovers and I have as many haters. I focus on the lovers and comfort them – they always come back for more. Lovers always leave feeling comforted, reassured and happy. I see myself as the counsellor with attitude. I tell them what they need to hear, hard and straight to the point and I have no time for nonsense. They understand my severe bluntness.
My haters are losers. They have a real dislike of me. I hear rumours of them recalling their first encounter with me – ‘Disgusting, Vile, Poison, Moody and Arrogant’ are some of the descriptors used in an attempt to ruin my reputation. The haters fail in their attempt and I just keep focused on the lovers – my lovers.
I’m not going to change my personality! I am what I am. I like who I am. I’m number #1 so why try harder? I’m old school. I tell it as it is. I have attitude and if you don’t like me then take a running jump! I’m real: I won’t tell you that everything is fine to your face then disrespect and gossip about you when your back is turned – I’ll tell you as it is … to your face! I am what I am: Marmite!
Click on front cover below to get the rundown of my latest retro book, Section N Underpass