Rigsby’s rules: the rules of a rogue landlord

The basics

WHEN considering renting, there are some basic requirements that are must haves: affordability, cleanliness, safety, privacy and location are usually top of the list.

The ideal landlord

It’s reassuring to have a fair and honest landlord – a landlord who charges fair rent – someone who puts their tenants first, makes sure the property is kept in top-nick and respects privacy.

The ‘do-what-I-want’ landlord

Step-up Mr Rigsby, the ultimate loose-cannon landlord. Money-grabbing, rude and unreliable. He was also sneaky, fast-talking, quick-witted, chaser of Miss Jones and hater of men with long hair!

Rigsby’s rules

I’m sure Rigsby never bothered to hand-over a contract stating the rules and regulations to his tenants; if he did, it would possibly look something like this:

1. I, Rigsby, am the owner of this prestigious house. I will collect rent on a weekly basis. Failure to pay will result in instant eviction. This does not apply to any species of the female variety whom are single.

2. I, Rigsby, will maintain the house and ensure all major repairs are carried out in an untimely manner.

3. The tenant (s) must not entertain guests of the opposite sex within the house. Any tenant (s) found violating this rule will face eviction.

4. I, Rigsby, am the guardian of Vienna, the cat. Vienna has the right to roam around any room that is occupied by the tenant(s). Vienna has rights that exceed those of the tenant(s).

5. All rooms are fully furnished with high quality furniture. Any damage to the furniture must be fully paid for in cash – this can either be paid immediately or added onto the weekly rent (if paying in instalments added onto the weekly rent, interest fees will apply. Interest fees vary depending on the general mood of the landlord)

6. I, Rigsby, have authority to enter the room of any tenant(s) at any time without prior warning.

7. I, Rigsby, have the right to squeeze-in an additional tenant or tenants into an existing room that is currently occupied.

8. I, Rigsby, will ensure that the prestigious building is kept free from defects such as Rising Damp.

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