WITH scotching temperatures and the football world cup, thousands of people keep cool by gulping down gallons of cold lager whilst screaming for a VAR check (for the non-followers of the world cup, VAR stands for Video Assistant Referee – use of video technology to supposedly make correct decisions).
Rewind to the 1982 football world cup when the likes of Shilton, Robson and Keegan were playing for England – lagers like Long Life and Skol ruled inside pubs and living rooms. Memories of gulping down one of these nostalgic lagers may fill us with delight or displeasure. Below we look at five nostalgic lagers and analyse the personalities of the drinkers.
Description: ‘Need to get away and relax’ lager.
Strapline: ‘Stay sharp to the bottom of the glass’.
Personality type: hates long term commitment, takes each day as it comes, introvert tendencies.
Reaction to incorrect VAR decision: Too much excitement – crawls into a corner and refuses to watch the rest of the game.
Description: The’Steady Eddie’ beer
Strapline: ‘Specially brewed for the can’
Personality type: marriage material, sound judgement, keeps their garden lawn in tip-top condition and has a pension pot that’s not too shabby.
Reaction to incorrect VAR decision: Controlled and detailed – spends an hour getting their point across to the neighbour on the other side of the garden fence.
Description: Lighthearted, fun, down the earth middle of the road lager
Strapline: ‘Horribly good lager’ and ‘You’re a Skolar’
Personality type: marriage material with lots of fun. Chilled out, funny, stand-up comedian.
Reaction to incorrect VAR decision: Finds the whole scenario hilarious – piss themselves laughing – reels off a number one-liners before gulping down another pint or two.
Description: Lager with a touch of class.
Straplines: ‘Pure Draughtmanship’ and ‘It’s a different world’
Personality type: attention to detail – hosts of the most charming dinner parties.
Reaction to incorrect VAR decision: Details, facts, don’t let it happen again – sends a 10-page document to the footballing governing body, FIFA, containing analytics highlighting their mistakes.
Description: Lager with a knockout punch.
Strapline: ‘The only thing better than a Carlsberg Special Brew is another Carlsberg Special Brew’
Personality type: Hard as concrete and confident. Can sometimes come across as emotionless and blunt.
Reaction to incorrect VAR decision: Emotions out of control – no messing – smashes the TV with a hammer – punches anyone in sight – keen to find out where the referee lives.
The likes of Peroni, Stella and Fosters are most likely to be drunk during the 2018 world cup – enjoy drinking responsibly whilst fiercely debating VAR decisions – hopefully the supplies of carbon dioxide won’t get to critical levels and our lagers won’t be as flat as a trampled footballer in the penalty box!
Let us know your memories of these lagers, VAR and how we’d get round the carbon dioxide situation.
Secret lemonade drinker? Try R Whites Lemonade here: A short story of addiction – R Whites Lemonade
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