THE YEAR is 1984. It’s the school Easter holiday and Suzy had purchased five Cadbury’s Creme Eggs using the money she’d saved in her piggy bank. She carefully put them in the dining room cupboard with the intention of cracking them open on Easter Day. She decided to check-up on them two days before Good Friday but they were gone… Nooooooooooooooooo!
All five of them were in the dining room, chatting and laughing whilst sipping tea from bone china teacups. All of them were suspects.
Suspect 1. Mr Medsey from number 33. He grows roses in his front garden and often wears numerous layers of clothes… perfect for concealing stolen goods. I notice that he hasn’t touched the popular custard creams on the table… maybe he’s already stuffed his face with Creme Eggs…
Suspect 2. PC Simons who walks our street daily. Would a respectable policeman steal my Creme Eggs? No, but his big round tummy and the speed at which he’s polished off that plate of Jaffa Cakes makes me wonder…
Suspect 3. The Cake Lady. I don’t know her real name but she lives on the next street and is always baking cakes. The sweet aroma of cakes always flows from her kitchen window. I heard she was looking for decoration ideas for a large Easter cake she is making…
Suspect 4. Karen from the butchers shop. She said she was just dropping off the meat we’d ordered but she’s been here for over thirty minutes! Her definition of dropping off is very different to mine so she must be up to something…
Suspect 5. Ron ‘Rapper’ Richards. Our trustworthy neighbour for many years but I couldn’t help but notice how nimble his fingers were when picking the front door lock when we accidentally locked ourselves out.
Five creme eggs and five suspects. Did they pinch one each? Were they unequally divided or did one of them pinch all five? The process of elimination was to begin…
Would you trust a man who takes more pride in growing roses than own his wife? Was there enough time for PC Simons to gobble down a creme egg or two before polishing off the Jaffa Cakes? Creme eggs being used on an Easter cake is quite unusual, but was the Cake Lady about exhibit the unusual? Karen is as fit as a butcher’s dog and does most deliveries on foot – she certainly doesn’t look like a creme egg muncher with such a lean figure. Even though Ron has swift fingers I’ve never once heard of him using them for criminal activity.
“It’s you! You stole my Cadbury’s Creme Eggs you nincompoop! You’ve got them hidden between layers of clothes.” I ignored Mr Medsley’s confused face whilst he was being searched by PC Simons. “No creme eggs on Mr Medsley – he’s clean.” PC Simons looked fed up after ploughing through eight layers of upper body clothing before storming out the house mumbling waste of police time.
That night, I lay in bed still wondering who had stole Cadbury’s Creme Eggs. I listened to Ron’s nightly rap through the wall whilst dozing off…
My name is Ron, I’m in a league, but I’m not human and I don’t want you baby. My rhymes are swift, 3-2-1 like Ted Rogers, without Dusty Bin. I’m coming at ya fast like the InterCity 125, my raps are always live. l like the crackle on vinyl, leading into Lionel, but I gotta slow it down to 33rpm. I capture the rapture from Blondie then stand and deliver like Adam Ant. Easter is near so I’m going through the gears… first gear, I’ll not walk on by like Dionne but stop in the name of love instead… second gear, engage in a little less conversation like Elvis… third gear, move like smooth operator out to impress Sade… forth gear, relax but don’t do it like Frankie… fifth gear, like Yellow Pages, let my fingers do the walking. A heist of five and about to dive into some Cadbury’s Creme Eggs.
Check out the hardback with enough clout to send you fly back through the 80s and 70s, Section N Underpass. Memorable commercials, legendary consumer brands, unforgettable staplines and lots of giggles. The Section N Underpass is a swift and fun story about Carlton Krane getting caught-up in the yester-years of the 70s and 80s. What will he make of his Ford Cortina and only having three TV channels?
