WHEN, or if passing through the county of Retrohenshire, feel free to call in and enjoy light refreshments of tea and biscuits. Below are a few finer details about the crockery, refreshments, and expected behaviour.
Teapot: none of this chucking a teabag in a mug shabbiness, it has to be made decently in a teapot. If you end up staying for a bit longer than expected, how would I avoid serving you a lukewarm second cup of tea? By wrapping the teapot in a tea cosy! The tea cosy is the North Face equivalent for tea pots.
Cup and saucer: no mug allowed during this nostalgic tea stop – the cup and saucer rules! Tea will be poured into a pyrex-styled cup and saucer – they are reliable, robust, and less prone to minor chips and cracks. Once you build a reputation for being a trustworthy visitor, the pyrex-style crockery will be replaced with fine bone china.
Sugar: one lump of two? Cubes of sugar in a bowl is a must. Help yourself using the dry spoon provided. Please note, that if you do the not-so-decent thing of diving-in with a wet teaspoon, and dampen the clusters of surrounding sugar cubes, I’ll look for ways to cut your visit short. Don’t expect any biscuits!
Plate: why a plate you ask – for biscuits of course! Expect an unbroken scattering of Digestives, Custard Creams, Bourbons and Rich Tea. No good at balancing biscuits on the saucer and allowing crumbs to fall onto my fine furnishings? I’ll be handing you a dustpan and brush before you leave!
Terms & conditions: Due to the Covid-19 crisis, please do not call round until further updates from our prime minister. The police will be promptly informed if anyone knocks on the front door wanting to enter for refreshments.
Section N Underpass: the nostalgic hardback with enough clout to send you flying back through the 80s and 70s. Advertising from the 70s and 80s – nostalgic imagery – fun stories – packed with nostalgic entertainment. Click image below to get your copy: