“IT fell off the back of a lorry. I found a wad of cash in a wage packet on the pavement. The bruises on my knuckles… just a misunderstanding with some old geezer’s face. I have no idea how that sawed-off shotgun got in the boot of my Granada. Meet me in the pub at nine tonight, I have a couple bits of jewellery that will make your eyes light-up.”
If any of the statements above raise no suspicion whatsoever with you, then maybe you also believe that pigs really do fly and that your car, that runs on petrol, will run effortlessly on diesel too! If on the other-hand you raise your eyebrows and your face has a look of that sounds well shady, then you have some kind of connection to reality – give yourself a pat-on-the-back and congratulate yourself for existing in the real world. After you’ve finished with the self-praise, turn-on the television and tune-in to Police 5. This is your chance to connect the dots and catch criminals.
The host of Police 5, Shaw Taylor, will give you a rundown of the recent crime spree; he’ll tell you where, when and how the naughty deeds were carried-out. Some of the details may make your stomach churn – like you’ve had a mad food and drink spree of vodka, beer, cheesy-chips with gravy, a deep-crust pizza, a vindaloo and a bottle of full-fat milk. Even though your stomach maybe churning, and the feeling of wanting to vomit over the sofa intensifies, stay strong and keep listening to Shaw.
A lorry was hijacked off the M1 slip road – “I’m sure our Tony said he was doing a bit of work in that area!” The gent who lives five-minutes away was hit over the head and robbed of his week’s wages! An innocent gent was punched in the face in an unprovoked attack! The jewellers in town was robbed and the thieves threatened staff with a sawed-off shotgun! See how you can connect the dots and help catch criminals?
The final key bit of advice from Shaw Taylor is to keep ’em peeled; he’s not talking about pre-preparation of fruit and vegetables, he’s talking about keeping your eyes open for suspicious activity. Crime is still rife so the message of keep ’em peeled is still very much relevant. If you hear any suspicious talk, start trying to connect the dots; maybe that stolen jewellery will be recovered and the naughty criminals brought to justice.
A nostalgic collection of stories featuring a fun and factual look back at British advertising, leisure and entertainment from the 70s & 80s are featured in the new hardback book, Section N Underpass. Get the rundown by clicking the photo below: