HOW can you distinguish beast from man? Get close enough and have a rummage through their hair – if you see three figures displaying 666 then that’s confirmation of the beast. If on the other hand, after a rummage, no numerical figures are revealed and instead you get the manly aroma of Old Spice aftershave, then you have a man. In conclusion: 666 equals the mark of the beast and Old Spice equals the mark of a man.
Six other ways to help distinguish beast from man:
1. If your thinking that 666 could actually be 999, a plea for help, then try this method for confirmation: have a good sniff around the face and neck area – if there’s an aroma of burning flesh or decomposed bodies then lo and behold you’re beside a stinking beast!
2. You’ve watched the man in question skilfully surfing the waves of the sea. When back on dry land, he splashes on a generous dose of Old Spice. The mark of a man.
3. Wigs and hairpieces are used to disguise a bald beast. If you think the manly suspect is covering up the triple figure digits then get hold of the hair and give it a good tug – if it comes off in your hand and 666 is revealed then you’ve successfully uncovered a scheming beast!
4. A telltale sign of a mark of man is by his shaving technique. Foaming-up with a shaving brush and skilfully controlling the razor down the straights and around the curves of his face. Afterwards finishing-off with Old Spice aftershave.
5. Personal grooming is important in spotting a beast – especially when it comes to fingernails. If you spot a man with fingernails as long as a watch strap and packed solid with dirt, then he’s an obvious beast.
6. Well groomed and someone who uses Old Spice as part of their daily routine… the mark of a man.
Now you know the techniques for separating beasts from men. If you can’t remember the aroma of Old Spice then go buy a bottle. Remember: it’s all about key observation in order to avoid the depths of hell.
Further retro reading involving aftershaves:
- Denim aftershave: please make an effort.
- Quorum aftershave: right era, right price
- Hai Karate aftershave: a fine line between seduction and vandalism
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