Tunes: a blocked nose, misunderstandings and cures

THE traveller wanted a second-class return to Nottingham. The chap at the ticket office couldn’t understand the traveller’s request. The reason the traveller was not understood: an annoying blocked nose! Nottingham sounded like Dottingham when requested by the traveller, causing confusion on the face of the chap in the ticket office. Luckily, the traveller was advised to get-hold of some Tunes. After sucking on Tunes, the traveller went back to the ticket office and boldly asked for a second-class return to Nottingham. The chap at the ticket office understood the traveller’s request clearly.

A blocked nose is a serious matter. It is frustrating when you’re misunderstood because of it; you may even consider calling Dyno-Rod to sort the blocked nose problem. Some verbal statements that maybe interpreted incorrectly when the nose is blocked are as follows:

I’m voing to vorder a feesa – I’m going to order a pizza

I’ll be dome in fishty-dive dinutes – I’ll be home in fifty-five minutes

I’m voing vak to ved – I’m going back to bed

Dye tar is deady for a ervis – My car is ready for a service

I siddent fink tuck of is possage – I didn’t think much of his sausage!

Remedies for unblocking the nose

Steam-it homestyle. Add boiling water to the bowl. Add a few drops of eucalyptus oil to the bowl if you have some. Cover your head with a towel, bring towards bowl and inhale. For goodness sake don’t stick your head into the boing water!

Tunes. Suck on Tunes. Your nose will be as clear the M60 motorway at 2am. You’ll be singing the praises of Tunes.

Steam room. Got a gym with a steam room? Utilise it! Get in and stay in until that blocked nose is shifted. Remember to dispose of and snot responsibly – this means not on the floor!

Smelling Salts. If you think you’re hard enough, hold the smelling salts bottle close to the nostrils and breathe-in as hard as you can. There is a good chance the blocked nose will be cleared, but unfortunately there is also a good chance your brain will explode in the process.

Nasal sprays. Decongestant sprays usually do the trick. They give temporary relief until the nasty snot decides to comes back.

In conclusion: Tunes is one of the safest, most cost efficient and easily available remedy. Make sure your words are clearly understood when you have a blocked nose; suck on Tunes to ensure your Nottinghams don’t turn into Dottinghams.

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