Mellow Bird’s: advice on how to ditch a horrible cup of coffee

REWIND 40 YEARS: there are hardly any coffee shops on the high street and serving-up a coffee to a visitor meant instant coffee out of a jar. Mellow Bird’s coffee was heavily advertised during the 70s and 80s. One of their most memorable adverts involved a lady swiftly throwing her foul tasting cup of coffee into a plant pot.

… it can be seen as despicable and shameful to serve-up coffee that tastes like cabbage water.

The coffee stakes are high with the likes of Starbucks, Costa, and Nero ruling things on the street. The stakes are also high in the home with the abundant availability of fresh coffee, fancy coffee makers and loads of different pods. With the vast amount of quality coffee knocking about, it can be seen as despicable and shameful to serve-up coffee that tastes like cabbage water. If, on the off chance, you receive a horrible cup of coffee, how do you get rid? The lady in the Mellow Bird’s advert was decisive and straight talking, but what would you do? Some tips below…

1. Brutal response. Spit or spew it out on the floor! Screw-up your face and yell out “That’s disgusting!” then storm out the house.

2. The imaginary caller. After taking a mouthful of the poisonous-like coffee, pull out your mobile and start talking: “Ohh… right… that sounds serious… I’m on my way!” Drop the coffee and dash out the front door to the imaginary emergency!

3. Deliberate accident. Pretend you’ve tripped over something – the ruffled rug, the dog, a block of Lego, or just fresh air – and send the cup of coffee flying. Once your legs have regained their steadiness and the coffee catastrophe has been cleared-up, refuse any offers of a fresh drink.

4. Out the window. Make sure your host is looking in the opposite direction then toss the coffee out the window. Be careful that there is not an innocent passer-by in the direction of the flying coffee.

5. Traditional disposal techniques. Being subtle is sometimes best, so swiftly and casually pouring the coffee into that plant pot is a good option. Other trusted techniques that have proved successful over the years are secretly pouring down the sink or into the dog bowl.

Quality check. The next time you make and serve coffee to a guest, best make sure it meets minimum quality standard: there’s no harm in having a sneaky sniff and sip before handing it over to them… this reduces the chances of having coffee ending up in the most unexpected places.

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