WHEN it comes to romance, the acid test for whether or not someone is head over heels in love has nothing to do with physical attraction or being adventurous in the bedroom. Expensive jewellery, being wined and dined, and riding around in fancy cars that go very fast* also are pretty useless in assessing how much someone really loves you.
A more accurate measure of true love is if someone willingly and ungrudgingly gives you their last Rolo. A word of warning: don’t be fooled by someone who gives you their last Rolo with a frown on their face – there’s a good chance the kind offer is not genuine. Here are a few more telltale signs of someone pretending to love you when in fact they are a selfish chocolate gobbling machine only interested in themselves!
Attitude. Imagine this scenario: the last Rolo is on the table and your partner offers it to you. After accepting and popping the chocolate into your mouth, sneakily keep an eye on their face to establish if their offer was genuine. If their face has a look of ‘I wanted that!’ or ‘greedy pig’ then you know which side your bread is buttered. Use your smartphone to secretly scroll through Tinder in the hope of finding an upgrade.
The insult. Again, the last Rolo is on the table. Your partner offers you the last one, but, just as you’re about to chomp into it, they blurt out ‘Are you sure you really should be eating that as you’re looking chunky on the hips?’ No reply or verbal comeback required during this kind of awkward situation – just punch them in the face and eat the last Rolo!
No option. You’re not even offered the last Rolo! Like a mischievous greedy squirrel, your significant other has already gobbled down most of the chocolates. To really take the biscuit, they’ve grabbed the last one and shoved it into their mouth! They then sit chewing loudly with a smug look on their face. You watch whilst fuming inside, hoping that they choke and vomit-up the entire contents of their chocolate filled stomach.
The Rolo test works so if in doubt give it a try. In a nutshell, the test weeds out the fake from the genuine.
*fancy cars that go very fast – taken from the Madonna song Express Yourself. In her song, she also states ‘don’t go for second best …’ – wise words from the queen of music.
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