I’VE been a lucky man throughout my life. During my dating days, I managed to avoid sharp-tongued women: women who possess the ability to fire-off the kind of verbal assault that would make a dictator burst into tears; women who knew no boundaries when it came to confrontation and cursing; women who’d have an unending dictionary of insults ready to be unleashed.
There has been a series of such women on Coronation Street: Ena Sharples, Elsie Tanner, Bet Lynch, Hilda Ogden and Vera Duckworth – all of whom easily cut the mustard when it came to performing exceptionally well in a verbal slanging match.
My perfect storm in a verbal slanging match consists of Hilda Ogden, Bet Lynch and Elsie Tanner. These three ladies didn’t know the meaning of holding-back when it came to confrontation.
I was thinking about this scenario: I could make-up a few little fibs about sneaky affairs involving the partners of the three ladies. I could then escalate these fibs by mentioning them to Ivy Tilsley, and soon the scandalous rumours will be all over the street. My ploy would ideally lead to a three-way verbal punch-up. The question is, who would win the 3-way verbal belting?
Would it be Hilda Ogden, the rollers-in-hair verbal assassin? Or Bet Lynch, the predator who pulls-pints, or Elsie Tanner, the lady with a reputation? I’d look forward to the hearing killer-one-liners such as “I know you haven’t been with my Stan, he keeps well clear of dried-up empty holes!” – “You can have him Chuck, but remember, once they’ve been with me, everything else is sub-standard! – “He doesn’t snore when he sleeps with me Luv!”
So I’ll get started on my ploy. Once I’ve got the ball rolling and the ladies take-up their battle positions, I will watch from the safety of Alf’s corner shop. I can’t imagine there will be much simmering time, I think the three-way verbal battle will reach boiling point fairly quickly. Who’d win? To be honest, I couldn’t care less! I just want to be entertained, the street wants to be entertained, and you want to be entertained.
Watch the videos of the ladies in action by clicking the photos below:
Remember when Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks threw their weight around the wrestling ring? A time when the Milk Tray Man secretly delivered chocolates. Mr Kipling made exceedingly good cakes but what was your favourite? Fun, straplines and nostalgic photos in the new hardback book, Section N Underpass, a nostalgic trip reliving advertising, leisure and entertainment from the 70s and 80s – fiction with loads of interesting facts. Click any of the images below to get the rundown: