THE Milk Tray Man: athletic, powerful, fearless, swift, silent, smooth and iconic. More importantly, he knows what the the lady loves.
Becoming a Milk Tray Man is tough but not impossible. Here are some tips to help you achieve that goal…
#1. Master the art of diving and swimming. Belly flopping or dive-bombing into the water doesn’t cut the mustard for diving if you’re the Milk Tray Man. Uncoordinated arms and legs during swimming comparable to when you’ve just learned to swim is a massive fail. Work on your technique, dive off the highest diving board at the swimming pool whilst keeping your body straight and enter the water like an arrow. Learn to swim underwater without goggles whilst holding your breath (aim of at least 45 seconds) and work on sorting out any shabbiness in your arms and legs coordination. Before you ask, armbands and floats are not allowed!
#2. Bravery. Are you a man who screams and runs out the room when you see a juicy spider on the carpet? If so, then you need to man-up and get some bravery instilled into your heart: get a trusty friend to lock you in a tiny room for a few hours with 10 free roaming tarantulas. This may sound a bit over-the-top but the Milk Tray Man needs to be brave enough dive into shark infested waters… do you want to get eaten or survive? The choice is yours.
#3. Strength. Being a Milk Tray Man is an action packed role that requires physical strength. Get to the gym and push those weights. Press-ups should be part of your morning routine, 200 sit-ups a day should be your minimum target, your trip to the shops should be a jog or sprint and keep doing those squats until your thighs feel like they’re on fire. You need to punish yourself and show no mercy. Remember: no pain and no strain equals no gain!
#4. Silence is golden. When secretly dropping off your boxes of Milk Tray you’ve got to be discreet and silent. If you’re a man who makes a racket when entering a room, has footsteps like an elephant or has a reputation of knocking over precious pieces of ornaments, then you need to change things by thinking like a burglar. A decent burglar is light footed and discreet. If you know someone who’s into sneaky burglaries, ask if you can join them on their next stealing mission to gain valuable experience. You’ll soon learn to be light footed.
#5. Self discipline. In the world of drug dealing there’s a saying: don’t get high on your own supply. A similar kind of thing can be applied to The Milk Tray Man. You’ve got to bear in mind that those chocolates are for the lady, not for you! Do not eat the chocolates! Once you start you won’t stop and you’ll turn into a chubster. Self discipline is vital.
There you have it, five purposeful tips to become a successful Milk Tray Man.
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Oh gosh this did make me laugh – a lot! All I can say is that it’s a good job I don’t harbour ambitions to be The Milk Tray Man (I can’t be any sort of man for that matter!) as I would fail miserably on every point. As for the last one, well there’s no way I can deliver a box of Milk Tray without sneakily scoffing the Turkish Delight – my absolute fave! Thanks for the chuckle! 🙂 Haha.
I’m glad it made you laugh 😆. Thanks for your comment 🙂🙏
🤣