I’VE been a lucky man throughout my life. During my dating days, I managed to avoid sharp-tongued women: women who possess the ability to fire-off the kind of verbal assault that would make a dictator burst into tears; women who knew no boundaries when it came to confrontation and cursing; women who’d have an unending dictionary of insults ready to be unleashed.
There has been a series of such women on Coronation Street: Ena Sharples, Elsie Tanner, Bet Lynch, Hilda Ogden and Vera Duckworth – all of whom easily cut the mustard when it came to performing exceptionally well in a verbal slanging match.
My perfect storm in a verbal slanging match consists of Hilda Ogden, Bet Lynch and Elsie Tanner. These three ladies didn’t know the meaning of holding-back when it came to confrontation.
I was thinking about this scenario: I could make-up a few little fibs about sneaky affairs involving the partners of the three ladies. I could then escalate these fibs by mentioning them to Ivy Tilsley, and soon the scandalous rumours will be all over the street. My ploy would ideally lead to a three-way verbal punch-up. The question is, who would win the 3-way verbal belting?
Would it be Hilda Ogden, the rollers-in-hair verbal assassin? Or Bet Lynch, the predator who pulls-pints, or Elsie Tanner, the lady with a reputation? I’d look forward to the hearing killer-one-liners such as “I know you haven’t been with my Stan, he keeps well clear of dried-up empty holes!” – “You can have him Chuck, but remember, once they’ve been with me, everything else is sub-standard! – “He doesn’t snore when he sleeps with me Luv!”
So I’ll get started on my ploy. Once I’ve got the ball rolling and the ladies take-up their battle positions, I will watch from the safety of Alf’s corner shop. I can’t imagine there will be much simmering time, I think the three-way verbal battle will reach boiling point fairly quickly. Who’d win? To be honest, I couldn’t care less! I just want to be entertained, the street wants to be entertained, and you want to be entertained.
Watch the videos of the ladies in action by clicking the photos below:
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