HOW can you distinguish beast from man? Get close enough and have a rummage through their hair – if you see three figures displaying 666 then that’s confirmation of the beast. If on the other hand, after a rummage, no numerical figures are revealed and instead you get the manly aroma of Old Spice aftershave, then you have a man. In conclusion: 666 equals the mark of the beast and Old Spice equals the mark of a man.
Six other characteristics that distinguishes beast from man:
1. If your thinking that 666 could actually be 999, a plea for help, then try this method for confirmation: have a good sniff around the face and neck area – if there’s an aroma of burning flesh or decomposed bodies then lo and behold you’re beside a stinking beast!
2. You’ve watched the man in question skilfully surfing the waves of the sea. When back on dry land, he splashes on a generous dose of Old Spice. The mark of a man.
3. Wigs and hairpieces are used to disguise a bald beast. If you think the manly suspect is covering up the triple-figure digits then get hold of the hair and give it a good tug – if it comes off in your hand and 666 is revealed then you’ve successfully uncovered a scheming beast!
4. A telltale sign of a mark of man is by his shaving technique. Foaming-up with a shaving brush and skilfully controlling the razor down the straights and around the curves of his face. Afterwards finishing-off with Old Spice aftershave.
5. Personal grooming is important in spotting a beast – especially when it comes to fingernails. If you spot a man with fingernails as long as a watch strap and packed solid with dirt then he’s an obvious beast.
6. Well groomed and someone who uses Old Spice as part of their daily routine – the mark of a man.
Now you know the techniques for separating beasts from men. If you can’t remember the aroma of Old Spice then go buy a bottle – it’s all about key observation in order to avoid the depths of hell.
Retrohen will be exhibiting at the Play Expo Manchester 4 – 5th May. Come and check out our nostalgic things.
Remember when Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks threw their weight around the wrestling ring? A time when the Milk Tray Man secretly delivered chocolates. Mr Kipling made exceedingly good cakes but what was your favourite? Fun, straplines and nostalgic photos in the new hardback book, Section N Underpass, a nostalgic trip reliving advertising, leisure and entertainment from the 70s and 80s – fiction with loads of interesting facts. Click front cover to get your copy: