Hold it!!!

I would dread it! My body would tremble at the thought of heading into the grey chilly cubicle. I would try to hold out until the bell at 3.30pm … hold my breath and clench my buttocks. Time check … 2pm … only an hour and a half to hold on. Can I make it? No … Yes … maybe … 

Keep clenching, take slow deep breaths … in out … don’t think about it … think about Jackanory … think about the making it home and finding relief in the smallest room in the house.

It’s no good, I give into the sensation and my hand shoots up requesting permission to head to the Cubicle of Pain.

I enter the cubicle of pain like a boy heading into the headmasters office for 6 of the best. I enter and my enemy is there innocently hanging from the dispenser roll. I shake as I hesitantly lock the door behind me and drop my trousers before carefully placing my bum on the chilly black toilet seat.

Business completed … arrrhhh relief. I shiver as I know this is when the innocent looking enemy bursts into life and inflicts punishment that will torment me for hours. I reel off a strip and my hand shakes like I’m receiving an electric shock from having just shaken hands with The Joker. I wipe … I cringe as the feeling of sandpaper runs on my bum. One strip is not enough and I reel off another strip … more pain … sandpaper (coarse grade) inflicting more pain on my chilly innocent bum.

I exit the cubicle of pain walking like I’ve been shot in the bum. I get back to my desk and sit down gingerly. I can hear my torturer on the roll giggling away in the distance. 

Where was the Andrex dog to save my bum? 

Dr Izal you are wicked! You showed no remorse and the pain from your torture session lasted for hours. Dr Izal … you should be struck off from the National Association of Toilet Paper Suppliers. You should be banned from all school toilets! Dr Izal your surgery should should be shut down and replaced with the Soft, Long and very Strong toilet paper practice. Dr Izal I’m glad I’ll never ever step foot in your cubicle of pain again!