THE adverts may have stuck in your mind. The memory of gulping down one of these retro lagers may fill you with delight or displeasure. Let’s look at 5 retro lagers and let us know what memories they provoke.
Long Life. This is the ‘Steady Eddie’ of lagers that’s ‘Specially brewed for the Can’. So what can we say about the Long Life drinker? Being the ‘Steady Eddie’ lager, the chances are that the drinker is pretty level headed. The consumer of this lager will have a manageable mortgage, a lawn that’s kept in tip-top condition and prudent with the Pound notes. Conclusion: marriage material, sound judgement and a chunky pension!
Skol. ‘Horribly good lager’. Lighthearted, fun and down the earth. This middle of the road lager is one you’ll enjoy with a bunch of mates … Curry, banter and Skol are the perfect hat-trick for an enjoyable night out. Consumer type: chilled out, funny, ‘works to live’, stand up comedian. Marriage material, fun, fun fun but be willing to lend em a Deep Sea Diver (fiver … or £5 for the non-Londoners) once they’ve spent all their cash.
Harp. ‘Stay sharp to the bottom of the glass’. This is the ‘need to get away and relax’ lager. Getting hassle from your partner? Make a quick dash to the local and down a pint of Harp. Boss giving you a hard time at work? Take a sneaky detour on the way home and sink a couple pints of Harp. Consumer type: hates long term commitment, takes each day as it comes, introvert tendencies, keeps a sharp eye on the purse strings.
Tuborg. The no fuss, low profile, laid back, happy, ‘whatever’ lager. Things going wrong in all areas of your life? No worries … grab yourself a Tuborg and soon you’ll be shrugging your shoulders and grinning like a Cheshire Cat. Consumer type: ‘It is what is is’, ‘That’s life’, ‘You win some … you lose some’.
Special Brew. Whilst growing up in London, I knew a man who loved Special Brew. Special Brew was actually a regular part of his daily diet … a bowl of porridge followed by a can of Special Brew … a BLT sandwich followed by 2 cans of Special Brew … an evening meal followed by numerous cans of Special Brew. The result of this was that this poor chap had a constant grin on his face, had humorous discussions with lamp-posts, walked in a Zig Zag fashion and had no knowledge of the day of the week. Special Brew is the original strong lager … don’t mess! Consumer type … someone wanting total, everlasting memory erasure!